White Coat Theory

For some time now I’ve been dumbfounded by the illustrious White Coat. You know-- The one that most wanna be doctors, physicians, or medical staff don to pad their ego or assume some unrealistic amount of respect. I’ve thought long and hard as to why a simple wardrobe change could amount in an unmeasurable blind trust between patient and practitioner. I think I’ve got it!

First we must discuss why the white coat was first implemented into practice. It was nothing more than a smock, a cheaply made cover to protect the person’s clothes from becoming soiled. Blood, embalming fluid, caustic chemicals, and other unwanted fluids were to be caught in the coat and easily recognized so the it could either be cleaned or discarded. The same goes for scrubs-cheap clothing that could be thrown away.

Now look at these articles of clothing. Anyone can step into the light and be awarded with gawking glances and reverent respect, all you need is a white coat and/or scrubs. I don’t know about you, but I find it disgusting to see anyone out in public wearing any of the above. I would much rather see someone covered in dirt sitting next to me in a pub. At least I know where they’ve been and what they were touching.

Back to the white coat: You wanna know why white coat hypertension exists to begin with? Why you can’t help but worship the feet of these White Coaters? Why you have to stare at this badge of honor and high praise? I'm putting these examples in order of importance to me.

 

First off Don Johnson of Miami Vice.  He wore the coat with style and awesome hair.

Second, The pope.  I don't live in Europe, I'm not Catholic, and I'm not on board with God loving someone more than me.  I do like his hat, though. 

Next is Elvis.  If I were a little older or a chick he might be higher.

Then we have Bond, James Bond.  The iconic Bad Ass of any generation.  So what if he's not American and touts a healthy amount of body hair, he's Bond.

And of course, God.  The one and only.  There must be something built inside of us that the color white be synonymous with supreme, holy, and omnipotent. So next time you see someone wearing a white coat, don't worry--they're probably not better than you.  That's why they have to wear a white coat to begin with.